Do you tend to “enhance” your dating photos and profile? Do you create attractive packaging and presentation to market yourself? If so, you may be stuck in the Marketing Dating Trap.
What is the Marketing Trap?
The Marketing Trap is the common approach for portraying oneself like a product or brand. People often tend to do this when making an online dating profile, or when they first meet with potential partners.
This mindset causes people to carefully craft an image that obscures their authentic selves. It involves highlighting good qualities, and the use of slick language, and presents an idealized version of oneself. This creates an impression which does not reflect one’s true self and values.
Why is this a problem?
The Marketing Trap breeds inauthenticity. This focuses on listing impressive attributes, rather than sharing one’s essence, thereby preventing the vulnerability necessary for real connection. Putting energy into monitoring and filtering oneself to present an impressive image leaves little room for vulnerable sharing. As a result, both people are blocked from creating the genuine connection and deep bond they really want.
Despite your best marketing efforts, disconnects between the real self and marketed image eventually surface. As a result, initial attraction fades upon realizing the lack of authenticity.
Maintaining a facade is mentally draining! People become attached to the persona they have built up and feel enormous pressure to live up to it. Resentments simmer from having to sustain an inauthentic self-presentation. This makes it difficult to relax and be oneself with a potential partner.
Meaningful relationships require openness, honesty, and human-to-human relating. Intimacy thrives by candidly disclosing quirks, vulnerabilities, and inner worlds.
Are small white lies in a dating profile ever justified if my intent is to find a partner?
The point of dating is to find someone who clicks with the real you. The conversations that flow from authenticity are infinitely more satisfying than those built on shaky foundations. So you want to let your profile highlight who you are, your genuine passions, goals, and sense of humor. The right person will be drawn to those, they will be repelled by a persona constructed from white lies. Remember, love thrives on genuineness – embrace your true self, and the right connection will follow. No white lies are required.
What if I think people won’t like me as I really am?
Realize that not everyone will appreciate the real you, and that’s okay. Different people vibe with different personalities. When you try to be someone else just to please others, this will only lead to shallow relationships. When you express your genuine self, you’ll attract people who are drawn to your unique spirit.
Focus on developing self-acceptance, standing firm in your values, and surrounding yourself with people who celebrate the real you. Be patient in allowing your character to gradually reveal itself to new people.
It takes confidence and courage to be vulnerable, but authenticity creates opportunity for depth. You are enough just as you are. Stay true to your real self and the right people will be intrigued by your freedom and richness. The ones meant for you will love you for being you.
How can I present the best version of myself without misleading potential partners?
Showcasing the best version of yourself doesn’t mean creating an idealized persona that misrepresents who you are. You don’t need to engage in the Marketing Trap. Instead, focus on highlighting your genuine positive qualities and values. Share aspects of yourself that reveal your character, like what makes you laugh, what you care about, and how you treat others.
Be confident and comfortable with who you are, without making self-deprecating jokes or apologizing for your quirks. Avoid exaggerating your interests or experiences just to seem impressive.
Open up gradually so your full personality can emerge over time. Also, make it a two-way dialogue by listening attentively when your date shares about themselves.
Admit if you feel nervous or awkward as you build connection. Have fun, laugh, and be fully present with your date. Allow your innate magnetism and good heart to draw someone in.
The right person will be attracted to the real you, flaws and all. Be confident in who you are and allow your true self to shine through authentically.
Now that I’m older, I feel pressure to appear young and vibrant. What should I do?
Reflect deeply on the root of wanting to appear younger and whether it aligns with your true desires for connection. However, an appeal based on superficial traits often backfires. Instead of this, focus instead on your maturity, wisdom, and growth. Share stories and passions that reveal the richness of your life experience. Remember that a mindset of abundance and embracing where you’re at is much more compelling.
Take pride in the accomplishment of aging with grace, passion, and purpose. Getting older can bring new confidence in who you are.
Let go of comparisons and unhelpful societal pressures. Lead with self-acceptance and honesty about this stage of your life. You have so much to offer just as you are.
Stay open and optimistic about people who appreciate your essence, not just appearance. When you feel grounded in your worth, you attract others who value your authentic, vibrant spirit, who value you for who you really are.
How do I write an honest dating profile that highlights my maturity, wisdom, and positive qualities?
Show your maturity and wisdom through thoughtful stories and examples that demonstrate growth, rather than stating these qualities outright.
Talk about your life experiences, passions and values that provide insight into your character. Use your authentic voice to share your dating vision. Focus on projecting optimism, genuineness and depth by being reflective about relationships, personal growth and insights gained over the years.
Include fun facts and quirky interests to create intrigue. Keep your conversation positive and highlight what makes you tick. Share meaningful causes, activities you enjoy, your goals and visions.
Make sure to proofread your profile correct any spelling and grammar errors. Ask people in your support circle, and your dating coach, to review it and get their feedback.
Show your maturity, wisdom and positivity to attract the right people who will appreciate you for who you truly are. The authentic you will attract someone compatible who appreciates the fullness you offer at this stage of your life.
How do I build enough confidence in dating to avoid feeling like I need to embellish who I am?
Genuine confidence in dating comes from self-acceptance, growth and self-care – not embellishment.
Work on loving yourself, quirks and all. Embrace your uniqueness and let your light shine. True confidence means appreciating your worth and knowing you have a lot to offer. By developing this self-assurance, you won’t feel the need to be anyone but your real, amazing self. Indeed, our sense of completeness comes from within, rather than being contingent on outside approval.
What are some good ways to do this? Set goals and pursue growth through new experiences. Take care of your physical, mental and emotional health. Surround yourself with positive people who uplift you. Stop negative self-talk and focus instead on being your authentic self. Move through your fears and discomfort to build courage and self-assurance.
Get comfortable with the fact that you won’t appeal to everyone, because this liberates us to express our true individuality. Approach dates by reminding yourself that the right person will appreciate you just as you are. Remember that connecting with someone appreciative of our unique essence becomes the objective, instead of mass appeal.
With inner security, dating will be transformed from an anxious chase into an enjoyable, exciting adventure.
What are the ethics of touching up my profile photos?
Include recent photos that reflect your you and your lifestyle authentically. Authenticity in presenting yourself is important for building trust. Some small touch-ups are ok, but drastic modifications to your appearance could feel deceiving to the other person later on.
Ask yourself – do these images honestly represent who I am now? Significant over-editing tends to backfire when meeting in person.
Also, consider your motives. Do you want to attract someone purely based on looking young for your age? Or do you hope to find genuine connection with someone who appreciates who you are? A youthful appearance may attract people in the beginning, but ultimately repels those who value truth and authenticity. A fulfilling relationship comes from being seen and valued as you are.
In summary, some minor photo enhancements may be fine if they help you feel confident posting pictures. However, heavily modified images that misrepresent your current look are best avoided. Focus on showcasing your vibrant spirit and authentic self to start relationships off with integrity.
How do I express what I want?
Examine your core values, your interests, and goals. What matters most to you now? What kind of lifestyle do you want?
Spend some time getting clarity so you can express your your relationship requirements, wants and needs. Your dating coach can help you here. Don’t be afraid to boldly state what you’re looking for in a relationship, especially if you’re looking for commitment. Share your dating goals plainly. Address practical desires like wanting companionship for travel or living arrangements that suit you.
Emphasize your active engagement with life. Share details about the simple pleasures or daily experiences that bring joy and meaning to you. Open up about your personal growth, volunteer work, or hobbies that excite you. And talk about the dreams you finally have time to pursue.
What is the best way to write my dating profile?
Resist the urge to engage in the Marketing Trap, to sell yourself like a product or list achievements and attributes that you think others want. You don’t want to create pressure to live up to an idealized image. Instead, be real about who you are – your values, passions, quirks and vulnerabilities. Share your humanity in a genuine way.
Avoid using generic keywords or traits that could apply to anyone, like “fun-loving,” “adventurous,” or “motivated.” Choose descriptive words and examples that capture your unique essence. Vulnerably share specific hopes, dreams, and parts of your personality. Let your individuality shine through. Focus on emotional transparency rather than trying to impress with a “highlight reel.”
Steer clear of promoting yourself like a brand. Don’t rely on clichés or generic attributes. Remove any inauthentic language. By expressing your authentic self, you attract someone who appreciates you for who you really are. Lead with your heart, not an idealized image. Share your truth – it opens the door to true compatibility.
Conclusion
The Marketing Trap breeds inauthenticity and inhibits openness. Using that approach, dating becomes a consumer transaction between carefully-branded images.
To foster meaningful relationships, it is important to move beyond this trap by expressing one’s authentic self. Authenticity results in belonging much more than marketability ever could. Therefore, rather than misrepresenting yourself to find any partner, stay true to who you are. Look for human-to-human connection based on mutual understanding. This helps find someone you’re genuinely compatible with for the long haul.
And that – being loved as we truly are – becomes the only dating goal worth chasing.
More Information
For more information about the Marketing Trap, see the book “Conscious Dating” by David Steele.
If you’d like support in avoiding the Marketing Trap, I’m here to help! Please contact me if you have any questions, or if you would like to talk with me to discuss how I can help you.
© Relationship Coaching Institute | All rights reserved | Adapted with permission
